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ANNEX 


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WlSdOTIl 


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The  Entirely 

New  Cynic's  Calendar  of 

Revised  Wisdom 

for  1905 

by 

Ethel  Watts  Mumford 
Oliver  Herford 
Addison  Mizner 

® 

Paul  Elder  and  Company  ' 

Publishers,  San  Francisco 


Verbum  Sap 


Copyright^  ig04 

by  Paul  Elder  and  Company 

San  Francisco 

Enured  at  Stationers'  Hall 
London 


« 


The  Tomoye  Press 
San  Francisco 


^i 


DEDICATION 

TO  THE  WORLD  AT  LARGE 


This  Little  Book  of  Wisdom  Great 

It  pleases  Us  to  dedicate 

To  that  Rampageous  Reprobate  — 

The  World  at  Large. 
Yet  as  we  mark  his  Stony  Phiz 
And  see  him  whoop  and  whirl  and  whiz. 
We  can  but  cry — O  Lord,  why  is 

The  World  at  Large! 

Oliver  Herford. 


2061311 


Memoranda 


Tell  the  truth  and 
shame  the  —  family. 

® 

Sunday    i 

Monday      -      .      -      »      =  2 

Tuesday  -----  3 

Wednesday      .      =      .      -  4 

Thursday       -      ■      -      -  5 

Friday 6 

Saturday 7 


xps::^^ 


^Pfe 


Memoranda 


yV,u','^'>^u>V^<^'^.'^>  -  .^>,f  .-r^f 


There's  none  so  blind 

as  those  who 

won't  fee. 

o 

Sunday  8 

Monday    9 

Tuesday lo 

Wednesday  ■      -      -      ■     1 1 

Thursday 12 

Friday i3 

Saturday 14 


/^2aSM^-«r 


Memoranda 


va'.'^','>'.'.'>>^^^u/..-..,->,^^,.../ 


Knowledge  is  power — 

if  you  know  it 
about  the  right  person. 

® 

Sunday 15 

Monday 16 

Tuesday 17 

Wednesday      •      ■      -      -  18 
Thursday       •      ■      -      -19 

Friday 20 

Saturday        ■      -      •      -      21 


^zs:^^^ 


Jan. 


A  little  spark  may 
smirk  unseen. 

Sunday       .      .      ^      .      -  22 
Monday    ■      -  ■      •      23 

Tuesday 24 

Wednesday   ■      -      -      ■      25 

Thursday 26 

Friday 27 

Saturday 28 


/^22c:3P^ 


Memoranda 


V>V.',u%'.iA'^<^«>..»^«^»^'^uf^ 


The  wages  of  Gin 
is  Debt. 

® 

Sunday 29 

Monday       30 

Tuesday 31 


^CTss:;^- 


Memoranda 


WV.«^','^^'AU>^^^U'^'>'^'^'i 


You  may  lead  an  Ass 

to  Knowledge— but 

you  cannot  make 

him  Think. 


® 


^^sur^^-r 


Memoranda       ^-^ 


bV.».»,U'.'aur^<^'U>^'^f^.»^>^r^l 


Actresses  will  happen 

in  the  best 

regulated  families. 

o 

Sunday        5 

Monday 6 

Tuesday 7 

Wednesday  .      -      -      -       8 

Thursday 9 

Friday 10 

Saturday 11 


^SISS^^ 


Memoranda      ^' 


yV.U»-UU'^»AP^<VUU«^t^.^f.f;^ini 


Feb, 


Too  many  hooks 
spoil  the  cloth. 

Sunday ^^ 

Monday ^3 

Tuesday ^4 

Wednesday      ■      ■      -      ■  ^5 
Thursday       -      ■      ■      -16 

Friday ^7 

Saturday I^ 


/^S2^2®^ 


Memoranda        ^A  b 


wV,>^',U'>'*u>v^uu',»  .  '.f.r^igj 


One  good  turn 
deserves  applause. 


® 


Sunday ig 

Monday 20 

Tuesday 21 

Wednesday   ■      ...      22 

Thursday 23 

Friday 24 

Saturday 25 

Sunday 26 

Monday 27 

Tuesday 28 


Memoranda 


^,V>,u'>'.ii^r^i^u>^.^.^.^ut^ 


/^SS^!^^ 


Memoranda     ^^' 


ty.' A'.'>-A-A '  a' V^U  ;^  .  ^,  ^ ,  ^ , , ,  ^-^rrr^ 


He  who  owes  nothing 
fears  nothing. 


Sunday       5 

Monday 6 

Tuesday 7 

Wednesday    ....       8 

Thursday 9 

Friday lo 

Saturday    •      -  ■  1 1 


'jES^ti^^ 


^ps:^<^^ 


Memoranda    ^^ 


VV.u'-'^'>%'^>v^u>^'^»^'^'^r 


Mar, 


You  will  never  miss 

water  while  the 
champagne  runs  dry. 


Sunday la 

Monday i3 

Tuesday 14 

Wednesday      •      •      •      -15 
Thursday       -      ■      ■      -16 

Friday i? 

Saturday       ■      -      •      -     18 


I'll  make  insurance 
doubly  sure  and 
take  a  brand  of  fate. 


® 


^ps^^^^ 


Memoranda 


WV,..»j>'>'^u'^<^U'^«^»szt:i 


Money  makes  the 
Mayor  go. 


o 


Sunday 
Monday    ■ 
Tuesday 
Wednesday  - 
Thursday   - 
Friday 
Saturday    ■ 


19 
20 
21 
22 


■  23 
24 

-  25 


^psz::^^ 


Memoranda 


VV^u»-u^'^'>..>V^U'^«^»^'^>.r^!a 


Mar, 


There's  a  Pen  for  the 

wise,  but  alas!    no 
Pound  for  the  foolish. 


Sunday    - 

-     26 

Monday 

.      ^      -  27 

Tuesday 

■      .     28 

Wednesday 

...  29 

Thursday 

•      ■     30 

Friday  - 

■      -      ■  31 

/^22C^J^^ 


Memoranda 


6V/.»j>'>ur/.'^^^uu«v^'^ur 


Imagination  makes 
cowards  of  us  all. 


@ 

Saturday       .      .      -      -  i 

Sunday       2 

Monday 3 

Tuesday 4 

Wednesday   ■      ■      •      ■  5 

Thursday 6 

Friday 7 

Saturday    -----  8 


/^3ZCm®^ 


Memoranda 


WVv^'-'^>;Mi.»^<VU<^i^»^»^f.r^ir^i 


Wild  oats  make  a 
bad  autumn  crop. 


Sunday    9 

Monday lo 

Tuesday 1 1 

Wednesday      ■      -      -      -  12 
Thursday       -      •      ■      -13 

Friday ^4 

Saturday       •      ■      •      -15 


^^CTEsgp-^ 


Memoranda     "'^' 


wV.u»,uu'^i^i^<^u»^».i^>^F,f^taf 


The  number  of  a 

man's  widows  will 

be  in  proportion  to 

the  size  of  his  estate, 


Sunday i6 

Monday 17 

Tuesday      -      -      ■      ■      -18 
Wednesday  •      ■      ■      -19 

Thursday 20 

Friday 21 

Saturday 22 


^p2Z^^<^^ 


Memoranda 


y&>.U','>'.'^>^>V^U/^...^,^F.r^7>vi 


® 

Sunday    -      •      -      ■      ■     23 

Monday 24 

Tuesday 25 

Wednesday      ■      -      ■      -26 
Thursday       -      -      ■      ■      27 

Friday 28 

Saturday        -      -      ■      ■     29 
Sunday       30 


*^  Bubble,  bubble,  toil 
and  trouble." 

—  Shakespeare. 


@ 


>^22c:J^- 


Memoranda 


wv,..».i>'.'.i>'^<^uu'^'s 


Let  him  that  standeth 

pat  take  heed  lest 

they  call. 

@ 

Monday i 

Tuesday  .      -      -      -      -  2 

Wednesday       ■      -      ■      ■  3 

Thursday       ....  4 

Friday 5 

Saturday 6 


^zs::^^ 


Memoranda 


tyt!4'»'*'*'A'A'^^#^'rf>U'«.'r'«^rfl>iJ^ 


Sunday  7 

Monday 8 

Tuesday 9 

Wednesday   -      ■      -      ■     lo 

Thursday 1 1 

Friday 12 

Saturday 13 


I  Memoranda 


Nothing  succeeds 
like — failure. 

o 

Sunday 21 

Monday   22 

Tuesday 23 

Wednesday      •      •      ■      -24 
Thursday       -      -      -      -      25 

Friday 26 

Saturday        .      -      ■      -     27 


/psn^J^- 


May 


Nothing  succeeds 
like — failure. 

o 

Sunday 21 

Monday   22 

Tuesday 23 

Wednesday      ■      ■      -      -24 
Thursday       -      -      •      •      25 

Friday 26 

Saturday        ....     27 


/^22e:^- 


Memoranda 


Vi\v^','^'>'Ar^yWU^^«^»^.'^>^ 


Charity  is  the 

sterilized  milk 

of  human  kindness. 


o 


Sunday    • 
Monday 
Tuesday 
Wednesday 


28 
29 
30 
31 


/^SISm^-^ 


Memoranda 


yVj^',U'>'^>A>^^^U/^»^»^»^f.T^-rrrf 


The  greatest 

possession  is 

Self-possession. 


June 


Thursday    • 
Friday 
Saturday    • 
Sunday     ■ 
Monday 
Tuesday  ■ 
Wednesday 
Thursday 
Friday  • 
Saturday 


2 

3 

4 
5 
6 

7 
8 

9 

lO 


t^- 


The  First  Lesson 


Memoranda 


y>>>'A»>i.>Vr^-'-'-'-'-^"^^-^ 


/jjs::^^^- 


Memoranda 


^ t'l' '^-'-^'^''^ ' *.'-A^^u  ^^  ■  ^ .  ^ '  ^  r .  r  ^ T  as 


Pleasant  company 
always  accepted. 


® 

Sunday ii 

Monday 12 

Tuesday 13 

Wednesday       ■      •      ■      -14 
Thursday       ■      -      ■      -      15 

Friday 16 

Saturday        ■      ■      ■      -17 


/5?3i2^9^ 


Memoranda 


Wy.i^'J^'.'.iW^UU'^i^'^f.r^in 


The  gossip  is  not 

always  of  the  swift, 

nor  the  tattle 

of  the  wrong. 


June 


Sunday 

Monday  ■ 

Tuesday 

Wednesday 

Thursday 

Friday  - 

Saturday 


i8 

19 
20 
21 
22 

23 
24 


/^EZ^^i^^ 


Memoranda 


wV,t.i,u'>'A'>>^<^u>^»^T^.^ur 


Advice  to  Parents  — 

''Cast  not  your  girls 

before  swains." 

@ 

Sunday 25 

Monday 26 

Tuesday 27 

Wednesday  -  •  ■  -28 
Thursday  -  ■  -  ■  29 
Friday 30 


/^3E:^^^ 


Memoranda 


WV.»^',U'>'^'^>V^U'^»^T^.r^>V 


THE  DOCTOR'S  MOTTO  — 

A  fee  in  the  hand  is 
worth  two  on  the  book. 

Sunday        9 

Monday 10 

Tuesday 11 

Wednesday   -      ■      ■      -12 

Thursday 13 

Friday 14 

Saturday 15 


^f^sa-:;^- 


Memoranda 


rlrj^»,'>%'AU>^<...U'^'.f  >.'.^^.f^'2 


July 


It's  better  to  be  a 

live  ^'Lobster  "  than  a 

dead  '*  Social  Lion." 

o 

Sunday i6 

Monday 17 

Tuesday 18 

Wednesday    ■      -      -      -     19 

Thursday 20 

Friday 21 

Saturday 22 


The  wisest  reflections 
are  but  Vanity. 


® 


A^ZZ>*^^ 


Memoranda 


ViV^'«'>'i'4'^'^^Jv'.1^U'>'n'^'.r,..'^'li 


You  love  me  little 

if  you 

can't  stand  my  song. 

o 

Sunday        23 

Monday 24 

Tuesday      ■      •      •      ■      -  25 
Wednesday   -      -      -      -     26 

Thursday 27 

Friday 28 

Saturday 29 

Sunday 30 

Monday       31 


fe^i^iiVg*^ 


^ss::^^ 


Memoranda 


tV,».».»>'.'.u>v^'^'^'^':^!^::z 


What  can't  be  cured 
must  be  insured. 


o 


Tuesday 
Wednesday 
Thursday 
Friday  - 
Saturday  - 


/^EC^i^^ 


Memoranda 


tV,'.'-'>'>'A'i.'v^uu'^.»^.'^''^- 


The  more  taste, 
the  less  creed. 

Sunday    -----       6 

Monday       7 

Tuesday 8 

Wednesday      -      -      -      -    9 
Thursday       -      ■      •      •     10 

Friday 11 

Saturday        -      -      ■      -     12 


xps::^^ 


Memoranda 


WV.T^».>^'>'^>^>^<^<^'^'^»>>'^'^f^ 


r^^J^U  Aug. 

He  jests  at  scores 

who  never 
played  at  Bridge. 

@ 

Sunday 27 

Monday 28 

Tuesday 29 

Wednesday   -      -      -      •     30 
Thursday    -      -      -      ^      -  31 


*'With  all  thy  faults 
I  love  thee— still." 


^ 


^zs::m^ 


Memoranda 


wV,i^',>>^'i'>'^<^uu«,»»'^'^r,ts:ga 


Women  change  their 

minds  a  dozen  times 

a  day — that's  why 

they  are  so 

clean-minded. 


o 


Friday 
Saturday    • 
Sunday    ■ 
Monday 
Tuesday  - 
Wednesday 
Thursday 
Friday  - 
Saturday 


ffss^^^^ 


Memoranda 


WV/^»,'^'.'^U'V^U<^'^»^7^U 


Sept, 


Kind  hearts  are  more 

than  coronets— few 

girls  can  afford  to 

have  either. 

® 

Sunday lo 

Monday ii 

Tuesday 12 

Wednesday      -      -      ■      "  i3 
Thursday       ■      -      ■      -     ^4 

Friday ^5 

Saturday        ■      -      -      -     16 


i'*"n^y^  I  Tr. 


Memoranda 


He  who  fights  and 
runs  away 

Will  live  to  write 
about  the  fray. 


o 


Sunday       ^7 

Monday ^^ 

Tuesday ^9 

Wednesday  -      -      -      -     20 

Thursday ^i 

Friday 22 

Saturday 23 


1fe^'-i:aliVl3~=yr 


^jss-::^^ 


Memoranda 


WV«.',U'.UU>V^U<^«^»^.'^>^ 


A  gentle  lie 
turneth  away  inquiry. 

o 

Sunday 24 

Monday       25 

Tuesday 26 

Wednesday      -      -      ■      -  27 
Thursday       ■      ■      -      -     28 

Friday 29 

Saturday 30 


/^22C^^^ 


Memoranda 


C\t.u»,»^'.'^»^>^<^U'^',»^>^>.r^ig 


Never  too  old 
to  yearn. 


/^232!®^ 


Memoranda 


WV,i.»J>'.'.ii>'^<^U<^«^».'.M^lji 


The  pension  is 

mightier 
than  the  sword. 

Sunday    8 

Monday       9 

Tuesday lo 

Wednesday       •      ■      -      ■  1 1 
Thursday       •      ■  -12 

Friday 13 

Saturday        -      -      -      -     14 


Dead  men  tell 
no  tales  —  ?—?  —  ! 


® 


■^^T»t/-fU*^* 


A^SS:^^^ 


A  fool's  paradise 

is  nevertheless 

a  paradise. 

@ 

Sunday 15 

Monday 16 

Tuesday 17 

Wednesday       ■      ■      ■      -  18 
Thursday       ■      ■      ■      ■     19 

Friday 20 

Saturday        ■      -      -      =21 


/^szzrS^-^ 


Memoranda 


>V.1.»J>U'AlAr^<^'>.<^'^»^'^Uf^ 


Oct, 


Let  Well  enough  alone 

—there's  brandy 

and  soda. 


Sunday ^^ 

Monday ^3 

Tuesday ^^ 

Wednesday      •      ■      -      "  ^5 
Thursday       .      -      ■      ■     26 

Friday ^7 

Saturday ^^ 

Sunday ^^ 

Monday ^o 

Tuesday ^i 


^ps::^^ 


Memoranda 


CVr,V»j>'>'.u>^'^U'^'^'^2Z!:; 


A  fellow  failing 

makes  us 

wondrous  unkind, 


o 


Wednesday 
Thursday   - 
Friday  •    • 
Saturday    - 
Sunday 
Monday 
Tuesday  ■ 
Wednesday 
Thursday 
Friday  ■ 
Saturday 


I 

2 

3 
4 
5 
6 

7 
8 

9 

lO 

II 


/C22E2i^- 


Memoranda 


Society  covers  a 
multitude  of  sins. 


Sunday 12 

Monday       13 

Tuesday 14 

Wednesday      -      -      -      -15 
Thursday       -      ■      -      -     16 

Friday 17 

Saturday       -      -      ■      -     18 


/^2IC2J^^ 


Memoranda 


<t^^»J^»J>'>'A>^l^^^»>.<^»^l^.^>.f^T.-ti 


Many  bands  make 
tight  work. 


© 


^f^szc:;^- 


Memoranda 


WV.»^',uu'^u>^<^U<^''^»^'^f^r 


Suicide  is  despise 
of  life. 


© 


Friday 
Saturday    • 
Sunday    ■ 
Monday 
Tuesday  ■ 
Wednesday 
Thursday 
Friday  - 
Saturday 


xjsas:;^- 


j^zs::^^ 


Memoranda 


vVu'-U'>'^ii^>^<^U<^«rr:;rr:rTr 


The  more  waist 
the  less  speed. 


Sunday 17 

Monday 18 

Tuesday 19 

Wednesday  -      -      -      -     20 

Thursday 21 

Friday 22 

Saturday 23 


/^SSS^^^ 


Memoranda 


WV.t^',uu'^'^'^<^u<^'^i^.'^>^r^ 


@ 

Sunday       -      =      -      ■      -24 
Monday    -      =      -      ■      ■     25 

Tuesday 26 

Wednesday   -      ■      -      ■     27 

Thursday 28 

Friday 29 

Saturday 30 

Sunday 31 


Shut  your  mouth 

and  open  your  eyes — 

And  you'll  need  nothing 

to  make  you  wise. 


© 


Finis 


Next! 


University  of  California 

SOUTHERN  REGIONAL  LIBRARY  FACILITY 

305  De  Neve  Drive  -  Parking  Lot  17  •  Box  951388 

LOS  ANGELES,  CALIFORNIA  90095-1388 

Return  this  material  to  the  library  from  which  it  was  borrowed. 


JUL  072005 


i 

% 

% 


biiivurSll 

South! 
Lil 


^         THOUGHTS,    ESSAYS    AND    A    FEW    LYRICS 

Change  is  a  perpetual  deliveranee. 

Never  throw  jieople  l^aek  on  themselves. 

A  single  glance  of  soul-sympathy  from  another's 
^es,  how  it  can  dignify  a  man,  how  throw  him  on 
)  the  best  of  himself. 

If  you  want  to  be  great,  you  must  give  up  trying 
)  be  thought  great. 

In  work  there  is  always  worry  when  the  element 
f  competition  enters  in. 

Speeding  up  is  the  worst  enemy  of  efficiency. 

How  tree-tops  against  the  sky  fascinate  one's 
aze.  Wherever  there  are  trees  against  an  horizon, 
ly  eyes  are  unconsciously  drawn. 

A  man  may  be  reinforced  against  himself  at  an 
ge  when  it  would  seem  all  his  chances  of  improve - 
lent  must  have  passed  aw^ay. 

Possibilities  which  have  remained  quiescent 
tirough  lack  of  soil  suitable  to  their  development, 
lay  blossom  into  realisation  at  any  moment  of  a 
ff'timp. 


THOUGHTS  1 

In  the  lives  of  all  geniuses  there  is  a  great  deal  ( 
waste. 

If  you  can  run  off  the  lines,  you  can  run  on  then 
and  the  energy  that  tempts  to  indulgence  wi 
perform  your  task  for  you  if  you  allow  it. 

Our  times  of  surrender  to  desire  are  those  i 
which  we  could  work  most  valiantly  if  we  remaine 
faithful  to  duty.  A  little  hardening  of  the  wi 
is  all  that  is  necessary  to  accomplish  this. 

Don't  move  an  inch  for  the  sake  of  conformity 
or  for  the  persuasions  of  friends. 

It  is  not  what  others  think,  but  what  you  fe( 
that  signifies. 

I  often  tremble  with  the  desire  to  impart  som 
joyful  thought  or  discovery,  but  shrink  from  doin 
so  from  the  feeling  that  I  shall  lose  my  own  seren 
possession  of  it. 

The  spiritual  treasures  most  deeply  belonging  t 
us  are  those  we  brood  over  alone,  and  cherish  in  th 
innermost  recesses  of  our  being  ; — too  esoteric  fc 
mention,  too  sacred  for  aught  but  glancing  at  wit 
the  spiritual  consciousness,  and  leaning  on  fc 
strong  support  and  peace,    • 


J8         THOUGHTS,    ESSAYS    AND    A    FEW    LYRICS 

s  definitely  raining  or  blowing,  it  reminds  one  ot 
tsclf,  and  I  like  to  be  reminded  of  nature. 

To-day  it  is  pom'ing  hard,  with  a  cold,  gusty  wind 
blowing,  and  I  feel  perfectly  at  peace,  gazing  out 
)f  my  window  at  the  grey  trees  receding  in  mist 
igainst  the  pale  sky.  Nature  weeps  audibly,  and 
.eems  very  near  and  companionable  to  my  solitude. 
Presently  I  may  rouse  myself  to  go  out,  but  now 
[  am  content  to  gaze, — to  gaze  and  dream,  with 
iyes  on  the  veiled  horizon. 

Oh  !  the  beauty  of  life  without  hurry,  of  life  and 
eisure  !  These  two  ought  never  to  be  separated. 
3ut  what  do  I  mean  by  leisure  ? — leisure  from  all 
;hose  worldly  aims  that  destroy  our  peace,  and  drive 
IS  mercilessly,  until  life  becomes  a  grievous  burden, 
md  we  ourselves  smaller  and  meaner  every  day. 

The  so-called  "  society  woman  "  appals  one 
vith  her  affectation  and  her  languishing  airs.  Her 
'urs,  her  false  complexion,  her  toy  dog,  create  an 
mpression  of  artificiality  that  is  infinitely  repellant. 

"  Society  "  is  no  place  for  the  simple. 

There  is  always  something  vulgar  about  sophis- 
:ication. 
To  be  worldly  is  to  be  Malgar. 

The  potential  qualities  of  the  sexes  are  identical  ; 


THOUGHTS  29 

but  differing  education  and  environment  produce 
a  differing  development.  Both  are  aspects  of  the 
same  soul. 

In  our  weak  moments  we  pine  to  be  loved  ;  but 
it  is  only  necessary  to  love  in  order  to  be  happy. 

Romance  implies  high  feeling. 

The  difference  between  the  greedy  seeker  after 
pleasure,  and  the  ambitious  worldly  man,  is  that 
the  former  grasps  at  the  means  of  enjoyment  close 
at  hand,  while  the  latter  strives  for  some  less  easily 
attainable  indulgence.  There  is  nothing  intrinsi- 
cally nobler  in  the  one  than  in  the  other. 

There  is  no  sex  in  mind  and  soul.  In  heaven 
there  is  no  marrying  or  giving  in  marriage. 

Serve  innocence  wherever  you  find  it. 

Weariness  and  depression  are  the  result  of  looking 
down  to  material  trifles  instead  of  up  to  spiritual 
realities. 

Strange  how  we  ask  of  circumstances  what  can 
only  come  from  ourselves. 


